so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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