i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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