tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I die, sorry about rent.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
