Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
