I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
