If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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