Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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