I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
