I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Randomize
