I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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