Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
