I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
