The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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