Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
