When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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