You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
