don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
