so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
