he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
