I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize