turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
