dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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