420 ftw
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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