Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
