We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
