why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
