please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
