tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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