someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
