I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
