this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
