I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize