He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
