Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
