Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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