when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
