I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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