Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i think i just lost a toe
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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