you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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