For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
