you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
