Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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