i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
