Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
