the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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