I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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