I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
