Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
