he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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