her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
