At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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