I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
