Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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