According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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