I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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