That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
