we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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