his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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