i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
