So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
