I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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