Already got asked if we're dating
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have tasted many bathrooms
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
