I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
