3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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