there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
