this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
