so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
