1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
